Three things about passion:
-The Western Final of the CFL just finished and it was played in cold winter weather, with the wind chill reaching -29. I kind of watched and listened, but kept on doing other things for most of the game. I did sit in front of the TV for the final four minutes. I looked at how very cold the palyers and coaches looked - red faces and arms - and I wondered how many players and spectators were hypothermic. The players are well paid for the work they do, and I'm sure they all got into the game due to their love of the game. The fans? Well, that term IS short for fanatic. To sit freezing for hours watching your favorite team battle for a chance at the final is passion.
Or perhaps insanity.
-Brother One had a birthday today and chose to spend his day curling. He is passionate about playing the game and it has added a great deal to his life. His passion is shown (as I see it) as a quiet dedication to his team and and humbleness about his incredible ability.
-I went to a comedian last night and laughed until my face and stomach hurt. After, I thought about how tough it would be (for me) to be on the road all the time. The comedian's passion for his life and chosen career is clear and it is obvious that he loves what he does.
I have a quote on my office wall that is about the 'only thing we require to be happy in life is finding something to be passionate about'. I can't remember the exact words, nor who said it, but it is so very true. Find a passion - for a minute, a day, a week, a lifetime. The peace and happiness will follow.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Spirit
I've been thinking a lot about spirits recently. I've been aware of my own and the spirits of others, both those who are still living and those people who have died. I don't think that life is a one shot deal. I believe that a person's spirit is a strong entity that doesn't just disappear when the physical body is dead. I don't know if I truly believe in reincarnation, but I know that I have felt people near me who have died. "She's in good spirits". "He's an old soul". "That's the spirit". "Team spirit". "Soul searching". These are just a few of many phrases that must have come to be based on experiences, and not just people playing with English. Three things about spirit:
-A few weeks ago I had a dream and when I woke in the middle of the night, I thought to myself "How odd". That was all - just "How odd". What was odd was that two ladies that I may have last seen when I was five years old (if I even ever saw them in my life) were visiting me in my dream. I knew who they were and what they looked like, I knew there names, but most importantly I knew they were there. I described them to Sister One and Sister Three, and how these ladies appeared in my dream was how they looked while alive. I didn' t remember the content of the dream during that night and I don't remember it now. I just know it was a peaceful dream and a peaceful feeling, and I woke up enough to think it odd that these two ladies from my childhood were with me. Odd, but not at all frightening. I'm glad they came.
-At a family reunion this summer, the collective spirit of the extended family as they gathered was, for me, a physical but etheral feeling. Along with the collective spirit of those gathered, I believe the spirits of many of the family who have died gathered as well. As I spoke to others throughout the day, some remarked that they felt it, too. It was a feeling beyond words and explanation, but so very powerful that it moved one person to tears, and brought a peace and excitement to me that I have not experienced before.
-I took a Rieki training session towards the end of August. I went into this with a very high degree of skepticism and I did not expect to feel anything. I can not explain what I did feel, but it was very powerful and it, too, produced an inner peace of spirit and mind that I didn't know existed. There is a part of this that goes to my reclaiming of self somehow. I've spoken about this to only a very few people, those whom I trust completely, and who would not ridicule or doubt what I experienced. What a joy and relief to be among like-minded people.
Spirit, universal energy, soul. Belief, faith, trust. Individual, group, humanity. Higher power, God, the Creator. All are the same and I have something different now. I will share my life, my thoughts, my feelings, my spirit with others in the best way I can. May you find a way to do so, too.
-A few weeks ago I had a dream and when I woke in the middle of the night, I thought to myself "How odd". That was all - just "How odd". What was odd was that two ladies that I may have last seen when I was five years old (if I even ever saw them in my life) were visiting me in my dream. I knew who they were and what they looked like, I knew there names, but most importantly I knew they were there. I described them to Sister One and Sister Three, and how these ladies appeared in my dream was how they looked while alive. I didn' t remember the content of the dream during that night and I don't remember it now. I just know it was a peaceful dream and a peaceful feeling, and I woke up enough to think it odd that these two ladies from my childhood were with me. Odd, but not at all frightening. I'm glad they came.
-At a family reunion this summer, the collective spirit of the extended family as they gathered was, for me, a physical but etheral feeling. Along with the collective spirit of those gathered, I believe the spirits of many of the family who have died gathered as well. As I spoke to others throughout the day, some remarked that they felt it, too. It was a feeling beyond words and explanation, but so very powerful that it moved one person to tears, and brought a peace and excitement to me that I have not experienced before.
-I took a Rieki training session towards the end of August. I went into this with a very high degree of skepticism and I did not expect to feel anything. I can not explain what I did feel, but it was very powerful and it, too, produced an inner peace of spirit and mind that I didn't know existed. There is a part of this that goes to my reclaiming of self somehow. I've spoken about this to only a very few people, those whom I trust completely, and who would not ridicule or doubt what I experienced. What a joy and relief to be among like-minded people.
Spirit, universal energy, soul. Belief, faith, trust. Individual, group, humanity. Higher power, God, the Creator. All are the same and I have something different now. I will share my life, my thoughts, my feelings, my spirit with others in the best way I can. May you find a way to do so, too.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Health Care
I've been thinking about the health care available in this country for a few days. I've had some conversations with people this week about problems they've experienced and have come to the conclusion that I have been very lucky in this area. With all I've experienced, I've never had a health care horror story to share.
Three things about health care:
-The treatment I've received at my local hospital has always been very good. I have had some long waits in the ER, but nothing that put me at risk. The staff at this hospital have saved my life more than once, with quick diagnoses and treatment. My latest admission was just three months ago, and I believe they discharged me too soon. I did need to go back to walk-in clinics twice for infections. However, recuperating at home was likely the best option. Overall, with all my admissions over the years, I have been treated quickly, diagnosed correctly, and the staff treated me with respect and dignity. As well, the treatment at the Cancer Clinic and at various other health facilities, including walk-in clinics, has been good. Am I just lucky?
-People need to be actively involved in their own health care. Listen, take notes, ask questions, do research on what you've been told. Don't expect magic. If you don't understand something, ask. Take someone with you. I have never found a health care professional that is not willing to answer questions or allow other people to act as your advocate or note-taker or supporter. Speak up. You know your body best and if something is not right, tell them. And tell them over and over and over, if need be. The people who work in this profession are not gods, just people educated in an area where they make their best guess. Help them do their jobs by being open and honest. Admit your fear and confusion. If you are still not satisfied, look for someone else.
-Look for someone else; that is something I will need to do. My GP is retiring in four months. I have had this same doctor for more than thirty years and the thought of finding a new doctor is overwhelming. He has seen me through many varied and serious health problems. There is a severe shortage of GPs in this town and in this country. The clinic my doctor works out of does not have enough doctors to transfer me and his other patients to someone else in the same clinic. There is only one doctor on staff taking new patients, and my doctor told me "He is filling up fast". I'm worried about this. I have on-going tests and medication that needs to be taken care of and I want to start building a doctor/patient relationship with someone who can oversee my care on a regular basis. My plan is to book an appointment with this new guy as soon as possible, and hopefully start to transition my care immediately. If it doesn't work out this way, Iwill continue to shop for a doc. As frustrating as it may become, the onus is on me to find a doctor that I am comfortable with, that I like and trust. I hope it doesn't take too long and I hope I remember to take the advice myself that I've laid out above.
You may have had poor treatment at some time, or have gotten caught in a 'no doctors available' situation, or faced long treatment times, or been misdiagnosed. Health care in this country is suffering and is not what we've come to expect. The situation has changed and continues to deteriorate. My family doctor recommended an article in the latest issue of Reader's Digest - I've yet to find and read it, and he said he was surprised at the accuracy. We are still the lucky ones, though. When you open your eyes and ears to what is going on in other parts of the world - even just across the border in the States - you will see that health care for Canadians is pretty darn good, so far. Please take the very best of yourself.
Three things about health care:
-The treatment I've received at my local hospital has always been very good. I have had some long waits in the ER, but nothing that put me at risk. The staff at this hospital have saved my life more than once, with quick diagnoses and treatment. My latest admission was just three months ago, and I believe they discharged me too soon. I did need to go back to walk-in clinics twice for infections. However, recuperating at home was likely the best option. Overall, with all my admissions over the years, I have been treated quickly, diagnosed correctly, and the staff treated me with respect and dignity. As well, the treatment at the Cancer Clinic and at various other health facilities, including walk-in clinics, has been good. Am I just lucky?
-People need to be actively involved in their own health care. Listen, take notes, ask questions, do research on what you've been told. Don't expect magic. If you don't understand something, ask. Take someone with you. I have never found a health care professional that is not willing to answer questions or allow other people to act as your advocate or note-taker or supporter. Speak up. You know your body best and if something is not right, tell them. And tell them over and over and over, if need be. The people who work in this profession are not gods, just people educated in an area where they make their best guess. Help them do their jobs by being open and honest. Admit your fear and confusion. If you are still not satisfied, look for someone else.
-Look for someone else; that is something I will need to do. My GP is retiring in four months. I have had this same doctor for more than thirty years and the thought of finding a new doctor is overwhelming. He has seen me through many varied and serious health problems. There is a severe shortage of GPs in this town and in this country. The clinic my doctor works out of does not have enough doctors to transfer me and his other patients to someone else in the same clinic. There is only one doctor on staff taking new patients, and my doctor told me "He is filling up fast". I'm worried about this. I have on-going tests and medication that needs to be taken care of and I want to start building a doctor/patient relationship with someone who can oversee my care on a regular basis. My plan is to book an appointment with this new guy as soon as possible, and hopefully start to transition my care immediately. If it doesn't work out this way, Iwill continue to shop for a doc. As frustrating as it may become, the onus is on me to find a doctor that I am comfortable with, that I like and trust. I hope it doesn't take too long and I hope I remember to take the advice myself that I've laid out above.
You may have had poor treatment at some time, or have gotten caught in a 'no doctors available' situation, or faced long treatment times, or been misdiagnosed. Health care in this country is suffering and is not what we've come to expect. The situation has changed and continues to deteriorate. My family doctor recommended an article in the latest issue of Reader's Digest - I've yet to find and read it, and he said he was surprised at the accuracy. We are still the lucky ones, though. When you open your eyes and ears to what is going on in other parts of the world - even just across the border in the States - you will see that health care for Canadians is pretty darn good, so far. Please take the very best of yourself.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Names and Identity
I've talked about reclaiming myself and one step in this is going back to my maiden name. The Kid had some issues with this for awhile, but she is now comfortable with the idea. I asked one staff person at the local registries office about the steps to do this and she told me all I have to do is start using that name again. I've made a list of all the places I need to notify and it is a long list. I haven't yet done this, as I am quite overwhelmed at all the calls, emails, and letters to put the word out. It is still important to me. My name is my identity and the married name I've carried for over 30 years really has no meaning for me, but for so many people other than myself, that is my identity. I've been using this name for many years but it doesn't feel in my heart that that is who I am.
Three things about names:
-I go to a lab regularly for bloodwork and there are often twenty or more people waiting. Not so long ago, there were only four of us in the waiting room: me, a young lady about twenty, and an older lady with her son. The lab tech called "Angeline" and both the 20-something and the 70-something ladies stood up. What are the chances of three females randomly being in the same place, and two are named Angeline when they are two generations apart in age?
-I used to work with a man named Oberg. This is pronounced with the stress on the 'O'. A colleague always pronounced it O'Berg, with the emphasis on the 'Berg'. This drove me nuts - I don't know why it bothered me; the gentleman in question never corrected her.
-Why are nicknames called nicknames? I have had numerous nicknames from various people throughout my life, but I've never had one nickname that all my people use. I'm glad for this, I think, that I am truly known by my name. Of all the nicknames I have, not one is used by more than one person. Most have been an individual term of endearment used by one person, that indentifies my relationship with that person.
I will take the step to start using my maiden name again, once I get over the hump of figuring out how to notify over three dozen companies and agencies, not to mention the scores of people I know outside of business relationships. I yam who I yam.
Three things about names:
-I go to a lab regularly for bloodwork and there are often twenty or more people waiting. Not so long ago, there were only four of us in the waiting room: me, a young lady about twenty, and an older lady with her son. The lab tech called "Angeline" and both the 20-something and the 70-something ladies stood up. What are the chances of three females randomly being in the same place, and two are named Angeline when they are two generations apart in age?
-I used to work with a man named Oberg. This is pronounced with the stress on the 'O'. A colleague always pronounced it O'Berg, with the emphasis on the 'Berg'. This drove me nuts - I don't know why it bothered me; the gentleman in question never corrected her.
-Why are nicknames called nicknames? I have had numerous nicknames from various people throughout my life, but I've never had one nickname that all my people use. I'm glad for this, I think, that I am truly known by my name. Of all the nicknames I have, not one is used by more than one person. Most have been an individual term of endearment used by one person, that indentifies my relationship with that person.
I will take the step to start using my maiden name again, once I get over the hump of figuring out how to notify over three dozen companies and agencies, not to mention the scores of people I know outside of business relationships. I yam who I yam.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Change and Stability
Songs and cliches about change have been floating in my head this past week. "Change is good" is the one that is most often coming to mind, over and over, as though I'm trying to convince myself and beat it into my core being.
Three things about change:
-Some things at my work will once again be changing in the near future. I'm not looking forward to it. The amount of change there gets tiresome for me and I allow myself to become stressed by the constant change. Things must change as part of the general flow of things, of people, of life. Too many changes in a short time leaves me kind of breathless and feeling like I'll never be caught up, never know what is going on. Change may be good, but stability is important to me.
-I'm trying to make small changes in my life, too. I've keyed into some of the concepts and ideas and actions that will help bring me closer to the lifestyle I want (need) for myself. Some small and simple changes will bring me so much closer to the person I long to be, but the comfort of now makes it very difficult to implement those changes. My whole life changed as a result of my meet-and greet with cancer, and my recent surgery this summer brought the message back to me. Yet I fall back into my old habits and patterns that do not move me forward. Why? I need to feel stable in myself so I can adjust to the changes, both internal and external.
-Once again, a paradox. No yin without yang. No tall without short. And no clarity without confusion. The answers will come to me as I muddle through the work changes and the patterns and habits I've established in my life. Patience and time.
"Change is good". "Rock solid". I need both.
Three things about change:
-Some things at my work will once again be changing in the near future. I'm not looking forward to it. The amount of change there gets tiresome for me and I allow myself to become stressed by the constant change. Things must change as part of the general flow of things, of people, of life. Too many changes in a short time leaves me kind of breathless and feeling like I'll never be caught up, never know what is going on. Change may be good, but stability is important to me.
-I'm trying to make small changes in my life, too. I've keyed into some of the concepts and ideas and actions that will help bring me closer to the lifestyle I want (need) for myself. Some small and simple changes will bring me so much closer to the person I long to be, but the comfort of now makes it very difficult to implement those changes. My whole life changed as a result of my meet-and greet with cancer, and my recent surgery this summer brought the message back to me. Yet I fall back into my old habits and patterns that do not move me forward. Why? I need to feel stable in myself so I can adjust to the changes, both internal and external.
-Once again, a paradox. No yin without yang. No tall without short. And no clarity without confusion. The answers will come to me as I muddle through the work changes and the patterns and habits I've established in my life. Patience and time.
"Change is good". "Rock solid". I need both.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
How I Fed My Soul
As every day stretches into the next, and as I return to the 'every day routine' of getting back to work, I have to work a little harder to find those things that feed my soul. They are there, everyday, but I get distracted by the 'shoulds', the 'I need tos', the 'maintenances of life'. It is far easier for me to remember to appreciate the soul-feeding moments in a day when I'm relaxed and not busy. The busy and stressful times are when I most need the soul-feeding. Sometimes I don't see them or appreciate them until I'm looking back. That's okay, I guess. At least I find them in retrospect, but to get to a place where I can recognize them in the rough times is where the most benefit is. Finding a soul-feeding moment, even a milli-second, in the midst of chaos (whether the chaos is external or in my mind) can change the entire situation.
Three things that fed my soul recently:
-time laughing with family, and poking gentle fun at myself.
-doing a Tai Chi set, and letting my mind focus on the moves, and not worrying about whether I was doing it correctly or whether people were watching and judging my ability.
-feeling the warmth from the sun, for the brief period it was shining yesterday.
I didn't notice, at the time, that these were feeding my soul, and taking me to a calmer, more relaxed place. I hope I can more easily key into these times while they are happening, but even with reflecting and recognizing them in retrospect, it makes my life fuller and happier, and brings more peace inside. May you feed your soul today.
Three things that fed my soul recently:
-time laughing with family, and poking gentle fun at myself.
-doing a Tai Chi set, and letting my mind focus on the moves, and not worrying about whether I was doing it correctly or whether people were watching and judging my ability.
-feeling the warmth from the sun, for the brief period it was shining yesterday.
I didn't notice, at the time, that these were feeding my soul, and taking me to a calmer, more relaxed place. I hope I can more easily key into these times while they are happening, but even with reflecting and recognizing them in retrospect, it makes my life fuller and happier, and brings more peace inside. May you feed your soul today.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Steps to Make Changes
I've been feeling rather unsettled the last few days. I have recuperated from my surgery and am spending time on some things I love to do. With the thought of returning to work next week constantly at the back of my mind, it has been much harder to stay in the present moment to fuly enjoy what I'm doing. Once again, I face the struggle of spending most of my waking hours at my job. I wonder how I get to where I need to be?
Three things to help me reconcile myself to where I am at and the steps to take to the next part of my life:
-I took a Reiki workshop a couple weeks ago. I'm not thinking of this as a money-making venture for me. My intent was to learn something new and to open my mind to other possibilities. The intent was met and I am now doing Reiki on myself, with good results. The old demon, impatience, keeps rearing up. I know I need to change my work situation, but today, this week, I'm not sure how or when. The financial part of this work keeps me tied there, and I do enjoy where my financial health is at. I'm not sure how to move away from that. While it is tempting to take a leap, leave the job, place my trust in the unknown, and move onto what I truly want, the mortgage still needs to be paid and my body still needs to be fed. Step One: make a plan.
-With the above financial aspects playing such a large part of my feelings, I often feels trapped and boxed in, with no options. Logically, I know this is not true. There are always options and keeping my eyes open to see those options and look for new opportunites is Step Two.
-Time and I have a love/hate relationship. Regular readers may have picked up on that. Step Three is to put some time limits on my current situation. My downfall with this in the past has been to say, "I'll give this six months". After the six months I face this again and then again go through the same emotions. I find the good stuff in my work and continue on with another "I'll give this six months". There IS much that is good abouut my work and I do enjoy most aspects of it. I don't have a passion for it, though. If I rationalize and justify staying at my job after my next self-imposed time line, for my own sanity I need to work at true acceptance of that, and continue with the Step One plan.
More than many people, I know life can change in a few moments. It is so very important to me to enjoy and love what I choose to do, whatever that is on any given day, and to continue to build strong and loving relationships. This is where I need to be. I will get there as fully as I can, as soon as I can.
Thanks for reading and making your way through the many time-worn and cliched phrases I've chosen today.
Three things to help me reconcile myself to where I am at and the steps to take to the next part of my life:
-I took a Reiki workshop a couple weeks ago. I'm not thinking of this as a money-making venture for me. My intent was to learn something new and to open my mind to other possibilities. The intent was met and I am now doing Reiki on myself, with good results. The old demon, impatience, keeps rearing up. I know I need to change my work situation, but today, this week, I'm not sure how or when. The financial part of this work keeps me tied there, and I do enjoy where my financial health is at. I'm not sure how to move away from that. While it is tempting to take a leap, leave the job, place my trust in the unknown, and move onto what I truly want, the mortgage still needs to be paid and my body still needs to be fed. Step One: make a plan.
-With the above financial aspects playing such a large part of my feelings, I often feels trapped and boxed in, with no options. Logically, I know this is not true. There are always options and keeping my eyes open to see those options and look for new opportunites is Step Two.
-Time and I have a love/hate relationship. Regular readers may have picked up on that. Step Three is to put some time limits on my current situation. My downfall with this in the past has been to say, "I'll give this six months". After the six months I face this again and then again go through the same emotions. I find the good stuff in my work and continue on with another "I'll give this six months". There IS much that is good abouut my work and I do enjoy most aspects of it. I don't have a passion for it, though. If I rationalize and justify staying at my job after my next self-imposed time line, for my own sanity I need to work at true acceptance of that, and continue with the Step One plan.
More than many people, I know life can change in a few moments. It is so very important to me to enjoy and love what I choose to do, whatever that is on any given day, and to continue to build strong and loving relationships. This is where I need to be. I will get there as fully as I can, as soon as I can.
Thanks for reading and making your way through the many time-worn and cliched phrases I've chosen today.
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