I've just come in from a dental appointment. I'm on the team of poeple that dreads getting dental work done. I get so tense that I rise from the chair with a headache and almost feel dizzy as my breathing gets back to normal. I had quite a lot of work done today and one side of my mouth is frozen, both upper and lower, and half my tongue. I keep trying to talk (I'm home alone and listening to my own voice) because I illogically think that if I talk, the freezing will come out faster.
Three things about talking to myself:
-As I sit here talking to myself, my own voice sounds strange to my ears. It doesn't sound like that when I am speaking to someone else.
-Words are very garbled when I don't have all parts and muscles of my mouth working properly.
-I am quickly running out of things to say to myself out loud. Thank goodness no one is answering.
The freezing is not coming out any faster. Still, every few minutes, I say something out loud. One mantra that I keep repeating is "I'm never going to the dentist again". When I break that vow to myself, I'm going to arrange to have company after to avoid the silliness of talking to my very own self.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Connections
Yesterday a terrible winter storm blew in and I knew I wouldn't be going out. I had some things planned to keep me busy, but I knew it would be a long day, with no other people around me. I need to stay socially active and although I have times where I crave, and need, to be alone, too much alone time makes me a little weird. Even with the storm, I had great connections with people.
Three connections in the storm:
-While checking facebook, the chat window popped up. I don't often use the chat feature, but this was from a friend I haven't seen for about ten years. We have been trying to make time to get together for a few weeks, since reconnecting on facebook. We had an on-line chat and got caught up on some stuff and have arranged a time to visit face-to-face. While I was chatting with her, another chat window popped up; this one from a friend who lives hundreds of miles away. It was very strange to be having these two on-line conversations at once. I very much enjoyed my visits with these two ladies, and think I may chat on line more often.
-Sister Three and Sister Two both phoned, and with each of them I had long conversations, about 'just stuff'. It was more like we were sitting together and talking, and not phone calls where we relay information.
-Hours later, in the early evening, again two phone calls; one from The Kid (who hates the phone) and one from a long time friend who lives many miles away. The Kid and I just talked about stuff, as well. This is unusual for us when we are on the phone. As I mentioned, she hates being on the phone and our calls are generally short and only to convey information. The long time friend and I don't talk as often as either of us would like - life gets in the way, you know. We discussed some tough times going on for her. That's how long time friends are - time goes by without much contact, but there is still the trust and connection to open your hearts and souls.
The storm continues today and I will likely have to go out to do some grocery shopping. I also want to visit a colleague in the hospital. I know it's time for me to see people, even strangers, face to face. However, if I chose to spend one more day by myself, I know I am not alone.
Three connections in the storm:
-While checking facebook, the chat window popped up. I don't often use the chat feature, but this was from a friend I haven't seen for about ten years. We have been trying to make time to get together for a few weeks, since reconnecting on facebook. We had an on-line chat and got caught up on some stuff and have arranged a time to visit face-to-face. While I was chatting with her, another chat window popped up; this one from a friend who lives hundreds of miles away. It was very strange to be having these two on-line conversations at once. I very much enjoyed my visits with these two ladies, and think I may chat on line more often.
-Sister Three and Sister Two both phoned, and with each of them I had long conversations, about 'just stuff'. It was more like we were sitting together and talking, and not phone calls where we relay information.
-Hours later, in the early evening, again two phone calls; one from The Kid (who hates the phone) and one from a long time friend who lives many miles away. The Kid and I just talked about stuff, as well. This is unusual for us when we are on the phone. As I mentioned, she hates being on the phone and our calls are generally short and only to convey information. The long time friend and I don't talk as often as either of us would like - life gets in the way, you know. We discussed some tough times going on for her. That's how long time friends are - time goes by without much contact, but there is still the trust and connection to open your hearts and souls.
The storm continues today and I will likely have to go out to do some grocery shopping. I also want to visit a colleague in the hospital. I know it's time for me to see people, even strangers, face to face. However, if I chose to spend one more day by myself, I know I am not alone.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Christmas
I just finished taking down the Christmas tree and undecorating the house. It was kind of sad and lonely for me, to take the tree down by myself. As I worked, I took time to think about what Christmas is, and what it means to me. I know there is lots of press out there focusing on the commercialism and the loss of the true meaning of Christmas. For me, each Christmas is more beautiful, more peaceful, more full of love than the last and the ones past.
Three things Christmas means to me:
-Family. It is a time to gather and spend time and share food and share laughter and share love. I'm fortunate to have a large and loving and accepting family. I love you all dearly.
-Giving. All of us in the above large family have more than enough 'stuff', but yet each year, I buy a few small things. Each year I vow to not do that, but to contribute to a Christmas charity instead. For the past few years, I've done both. Each year I receive more gifts than many people. The giving is not about getting stuff, it's about opening love wrapped in shiny paper with pretty bows.
-Magic. For me there is still magic in seeing a little kid's excitement about Santa coming, outdoor lights, people singing carols off-key, people donating or adopting families or working at a free Christmas dinner, magic in hugs and magic in tears.
We had very little in the way of material things when I was growing up. Somehow, though, there was always Christmas, with enough food, and with at least one little gift for all. Some of our Christmases were stressful and unhappy, with too much drink and not enough peace. There were some full of fun and laughter. But there was always Christmas. My Mom worked hard to make sure we always had Christmas, even through the years of too much drinking. I miss her and I miss how much Christmas and her family meant to her. I think it is fitting that she died on Christmas Day.
Three things Christmas means to me:
-Family. It is a time to gather and spend time and share food and share laughter and share love. I'm fortunate to have a large and loving and accepting family. I love you all dearly.
-Giving. All of us in the above large family have more than enough 'stuff', but yet each year, I buy a few small things. Each year I vow to not do that, but to contribute to a Christmas charity instead. For the past few years, I've done both. Each year I receive more gifts than many people. The giving is not about getting stuff, it's about opening love wrapped in shiny paper with pretty bows.
-Magic. For me there is still magic in seeing a little kid's excitement about Santa coming, outdoor lights, people singing carols off-key, people donating or adopting families or working at a free Christmas dinner, magic in hugs and magic in tears.
We had very little in the way of material things when I was growing up. Somehow, though, there was always Christmas, with enough food, and with at least one little gift for all. Some of our Christmases were stressful and unhappy, with too much drink and not enough peace. There were some full of fun and laughter. But there was always Christmas. My Mom worked hard to make sure we always had Christmas, even through the years of too much drinking. I miss her and I miss how much Christmas and her family meant to her. I think it is fitting that she died on Christmas Day.
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