Sorting it Out

I started this blog on a whim, after drinking too much coffee one evening, with no thoughts about why I was doing it. After a few days, I chose the theme of "Three Things". It was initially to be an extension of a gratitude journal I'd kept many years ago, where each day I would write down three things I was grateful for that day. Over time, this blog has become less of that and more of me baring little pieces of my soul. When I first starting exposing myself and my thoughts, it was to a select few people whom I trusted completely. I sent the link to a few more people and now I often post a link on facebook for more of the world to see.

Three things writing in a public forum does for me:

-I've always written, whether teenage poems full of angst or journals as I sorted my life out or the occasional letter to the editor. This is an extension of that, and by going public, I'm learning to trust both others and myself more fully.

-Writing slows my brain down enough to capture and focus on my thoughts and feelings. Often what starts as the topic turns into something else, but it always brings my satisfaction and energy. I get me sorted out and I share that sorting out with you.

-I have something to say and to share, whether it's the story of peace while driving down highway 2A, poking fun at myself for my collections, talking about how deaths have affected me and my connection to the world and the other-world, or to relieve the stress I've imposed on myself after a bad day.

By sharing and going public, maybe I'll touch you. Perhaps one blog entry or even one phrase will mean something to you. This is why artists create, actors act, writers write, singers sing. It's a fundamental part of who we are and the creation, while first and foremost is to connect with ourselves, helps to satisfy a inner hunger to connect with others.

Letting Go

Like everything else, the theory of letting go is so much easier than the practical. I'm in the midst of some letting go and it's been a struggle. And, it seems for me, once I'm hanging on to one thing, I hang onto a bunch of others, holding on so tight to thoughts, beliefs, attitudes that I strangle myself. I'm letting go of things that I thought I'd already let go. Practice hasn't made it perfect.

Three things where I'm trying to let go:

-The Kid is doing a bunch of things to set herself up to teach English overseas for a year. I'm trying to let go of my parental fear. This is a big one and it's sometimes impossible to not be the controlling, lecturing, and paranoid mother. I don't want to be that Mom - I want to be the one who can listen and advise. I need to let go of my ideas of what is right for her life. I need to do this for me and my peace of mind and I need to do it for her. I need to do it to let our relationship grow. I need to do it to restore postive energy balances for both of us.

-I've been fixated on how the weather affects not just my mood, but who I am at my core. This is completely untrue and illogical. I dislike the cold of winter and the shortened hours of daylight. It doesn't define who I am.

-We all have situations and people put into our lives that challenge us. That is reality. I am trying to let go of my judgements to those people and those situations. The acceptance that my own reaction can influence outcomes and relationships is where the value in those challenges lie.

Letting go. It's worth the effort. I prepare myself to be up for the fight so I can have the freedom. I only wish I didn't have to do it so often.