The Kid is coming home! She has been in a different world, thousands of miles away for the past year. The year has both gone by quickly and dragged on. We've both tried new things, new lives, and have grown and changed. Some days I wonder if we'll still recognize each other. Will we revert to our established mother-daughter relationship, or will we recognize each other as well-rounded full people, more than just a daughter, more than just a mother?
Three things about knowing thyself:
- Peopledon't mean to hide parts of themselves. It just happens as relationships build. We show the parts we can to others. We try protect ourselves from hurt. As much as I like to think I am always "just me", I know that I show different parts of me to different people at different times. It changes, kaliedoscope-like, with little shifts. Here's the thing - it isn't a trick with mirrors and glittery glass; it is me being me, with all my many parts. It is you being you, with all your many parts.
- Through my autobiography course, I've had some amazing memories bubble up to my waking brain. The memories triggered by this course have led me to view chunks of my life in a far more objective way than I ever have, and I see quite clearly my path of growth and change. I've written some pages on major life themes and my values and beliefs. It has grounded me on who I am (today) and how I came to be this person. It has shown me that events wove together, even those that seem unconnected, to become my life. It has taught me about what I hide from others and shown me why.
- When I've gotten close to knowing and understanding myself, becoming who I am meant to be, my life shifts, I shift. There is another layer underneath, waiting for me to discover. I need to rearrange my thoughts and realizations about who I am, unhide a part of me that was laying dormant, and discover another facet of my person. It is an amazing and sometimes painful process of growth. Each time, I have more peace and more connection with something greater than me. God, the Universe, the Creator, the Force. Call it what you will. It is there and it is me. It is you.
For a long time, I have believed that things happen for a reason, although we often don't see that reason for a very long time, and sometimes not ever. Sometimes when we think stuff happens to us or for us or because of us, it really happens to make a change in someone else's life. The Kid had to leave for herself but she also had to leave for me. It's been a year of incredible growth and change for both of us, to help us each get to where we need to be on our roads to what's next. She will arrive in less than two weeks. We will rejoice! We will laugh. We will cry. We will recognize each other. We will see each other with new eyes. We will hide parts of ourselves. We will see the change and growth we've each experienced. We will open new parts of ourselves. We will revert to our established mother-daughter relationship. We will hate to say goodbye as she leaves again, and we will know ourselves and each other in a fuller way than we did one year ago.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Sunday, May 6, 2012
Work, Work, Work
A few times each year, I struggle with having to work. These "few times" are coming more frequently and lasting longer. I like my job and the past few months, I've been given some opportunities to do some new work. I love the faith and trust placed in me and I love being able to learn and do new things. I just don't like having to spend so much of my life at work, instead of just living. This feeling has intensified since my meet-and-greet with cancer and I work hard at not letting that 'hate to work' feeling overwhelm me. It's not just my current job/career - I just don't want to work at all. The food, shelter, and clothing thing gets in the way of not working.
Three things (of many) I'd do if I didn't have to work:
- Travel. While there are innumerable places on this Earth to visit and experience, my travelling would center around travel to see relatives. I want to spend more time with them, get to know them better, and talk to them about their lives. I want to record their stories and their memories. This is much more than just family history, this is part of who I am, who they are, how we came to be these amazing people. There are so many stories they have that are worth telling.
- Write. If I wasn't spending eleven hours of each day involved in some aspect of work, I would write more and I would write more often. I have thoughts, ideas, stories, novels, essays, bouncing in my brain almost continuosly. Writing satisfies my need to create, to touch others, to educate, to learn about my self, and to journey into my soul. Of everything I do, writing is what I love the very most.
- Give. I would volunteer my time. There are so many people and so many agencies that need help. When I volunteer and give of myself, my time, my talents, I am feeding my soul in the most satisfying way possible. Helping and giving are why we are here.
I DO do these three things; it is just not often enough or long enough for me. I am cheating myself because it is physically impossible to do enough of them. There are many, many other things I would do if I didn't work. I would scrapbook more, I would write family history, I would finish the projects I've started and never finished, I would do the projects that are just concepts in my brain, I would spend time with my people, I would find those other places to visit and experience, I would learn to play the piano and the guitar, I would remodel parts of my home. My list is endless. I would never be bored.
It is late Sunday afternoon, and time for me to start the chores that make the next work week easier. Investing time now will buy me a few more precious moments through the work week to squeeze in a bit of what I really want. Tomorrow I will get up, get ready, work hard, enjoy and like most of it, dislike some parts of it, and trudge my way toward another weekend, resenting that I have to work at all. But I will be there, actively participating and finding the great moments that happen. I just wish I didn't have to.
Three things (of many) I'd do if I didn't have to work:
- Travel. While there are innumerable places on this Earth to visit and experience, my travelling would center around travel to see relatives. I want to spend more time with them, get to know them better, and talk to them about their lives. I want to record their stories and their memories. This is much more than just family history, this is part of who I am, who they are, how we came to be these amazing people. There are so many stories they have that are worth telling.
- Write. If I wasn't spending eleven hours of each day involved in some aspect of work, I would write more and I would write more often. I have thoughts, ideas, stories, novels, essays, bouncing in my brain almost continuosly. Writing satisfies my need to create, to touch others, to educate, to learn about my self, and to journey into my soul. Of everything I do, writing is what I love the very most.
- Give. I would volunteer my time. There are so many people and so many agencies that need help. When I volunteer and give of myself, my time, my talents, I am feeding my soul in the most satisfying way possible. Helping and giving are why we are here.
I DO do these three things; it is just not often enough or long enough for me. I am cheating myself because it is physically impossible to do enough of them. There are many, many other things I would do if I didn't work. I would scrapbook more, I would write family history, I would finish the projects I've started and never finished, I would do the projects that are just concepts in my brain, I would spend time with my people, I would find those other places to visit and experience, I would learn to play the piano and the guitar, I would remodel parts of my home. My list is endless. I would never be bored.
It is late Sunday afternoon, and time for me to start the chores that make the next work week easier. Investing time now will buy me a few more precious moments through the work week to squeeze in a bit of what I really want. Tomorrow I will get up, get ready, work hard, enjoy and like most of it, dislike some parts of it, and trudge my way toward another weekend, resenting that I have to work at all. But I will be there, actively participating and finding the great moments that happen. I just wish I didn't have to.
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