Yesterday was the first official day of spring, according to the calendar. The weather where I live was warm, with bits of sunshine coming through. A beautiful day. In this part of the world, we could have been looking at a raging blizzard and thirty below weather (and we may still have to face that). I headed out with Brother 4 and his woman for a drive. I think many people wouldn't call a one day drive of a couple hundred kilometres a 'road trip', but we do call them that. A day on the road, looking for whatever we might find, mini-adventures in a few short hours. We didn't go anywhere different, instead we drove to places we've been before.
Three things about yesterday's road trip:
-small town second hand stores are always interesting. I wonder how they stay in business?
-there is a feeling of sadness and some kind of longing seeing small towns that used to be bustling and busy sitting almost empty. Kind of like ghost towns, but with a few hardy people there who refuse to leave for a bigger and busier centre. How can most businesses be closed on a Saturday afternoon?
-the town where my Mom grew up is getting smaller, with less and less to offer in residents in the way of amenities of any sort. There are no stores left, no hotel, and the gas station looked closed. We saw four cars in front of the town hall, but not one person on the streeets or in their yards. This was a busy town and is now an empty shell.
I wonder where the next road trip will take me, and what emotions I'll have to sort through at the end of the day?
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Learning
I'm taking a Project Managers course - six two-day seminars spread over a number of months. I've enjoyed my first two sessions very much and although I don't know if this will help me in any tangible way in my current job (read $$), it will in less tangible ways. My company agreed to pay for the first session, a Project Management overview, but not the other sessions. The reasons given were vague and left me angry and frustrated, but I decided to go forward anyway. I'm doing this for me and not to promote the corporate good. I assumed the benefits I could give back to the company would translate to them viewing me as an asset worth investing in. They will benefit without it costing them money. Good play on their part, I guess. My rant is over, but the frustration remains (for now).
Three things I learned this week:
-I re-learned that I love learning new things, and if I were independently wealthy, I would become a professional student.
-I learned if you trust someone to do their best, they will make every effort to do their best. The catch is remembering that their best may not be your ideal vision.
-I learned that laughter and silliness can work in any situation to make it better.
Three things I learned this week:
-I re-learned that I love learning new things, and if I were independently wealthy, I would become a professional student.
-I learned if you trust someone to do their best, they will make every effort to do their best. The catch is remembering that their best may not be your ideal vision.
-I learned that laughter and silliness can work in any situation to make it better.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Three Rambling Thoughts
-The TV is on in the background, and I'm half-listening to the Olympic Curling match for gold. I watch very little Olympics in winter and none at all during the summer games. With the event in Vancouver this year, and Canada's excellent showing, it's been hard to avoid or ignore. I'm quite jaded about the Olympics, generally, but the postive effects on children is good and the pride this country has shown for these particular games has broken our national focuses on the end of winter blues and the Ottawa shenanigans.
-This final has Team Canada, led by Kevin Martin playing against Team Norway, led by Thomas Ulsrud. I'm rooting for Norway. Since my wonderful trip of a lifetime there a few years ago, I feel my Norwegian heritage much stronger than the German and Scottish roots. I loved Norway and I loved the people. In my family history quest, as I'm researching a bit of Norway and a bit of the early life of Norwegians in Minnesota and North Dakota, I have a connection with my Mom. I believe I have a better understanding of what shaped her family, thus what shaped her, and thus what shaped me. A long spiralling connection that binds me to my heritage and will affect my daughter and any descendants I may have in the future.
-The Kid faced some challenges this week and she has more coming up. There were times of tension between us the past couple weeks, as I tried to keep my tendency to instruct her and nag her and convince her that my way is best in check. I'm the Mom - I'm always right, aren't I? She listened and took some advice, but held her ground where she needed to. The world didn't fall apart. Although I might have done some things differently, she did well getting through this tough, tough week. I'm proud of her. I need to tell her that. It's so easy to adopt the Mom role and treat her as though she is a young child that needs constant guidance. I also have to tell her, in spite of my desire to exert control, I know she is an adult. She is a remarkable young woman.
-This final has Team Canada, led by Kevin Martin playing against Team Norway, led by Thomas Ulsrud. I'm rooting for Norway. Since my wonderful trip of a lifetime there a few years ago, I feel my Norwegian heritage much stronger than the German and Scottish roots. I loved Norway and I loved the people. In my family history quest, as I'm researching a bit of Norway and a bit of the early life of Norwegians in Minnesota and North Dakota, I have a connection with my Mom. I believe I have a better understanding of what shaped her family, thus what shaped her, and thus what shaped me. A long spiralling connection that binds me to my heritage and will affect my daughter and any descendants I may have in the future.
-The Kid faced some challenges this week and she has more coming up. There were times of tension between us the past couple weeks, as I tried to keep my tendency to instruct her and nag her and convince her that my way is best in check. I'm the Mom - I'm always right, aren't I? She listened and took some advice, but held her ground where she needed to. The world didn't fall apart. Although I might have done some things differently, she did well getting through this tough, tough week. I'm proud of her. I need to tell her that. It's so easy to adopt the Mom role and treat her as though she is a young child that needs constant guidance. I also have to tell her, in spite of my desire to exert control, I know she is an adult. She is a remarkable young woman.
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Time, once again
It has been an emotional month - deaths of friends of Brothers 1 and 3, childhood friends of both and men who had some impact in some way on my life; and a tragic accident claimed the life of a work mate. The Kid has had more than one serving of 'life issues' loaded onto her already full plate. A colleague has broken her ankle and requires surgery, three weeks after the break. Sister 2 has some on-going pain after her foot surgery three months ago. I've had some disappointments in my professional life. Medical tests and appointments occupied my mind. A sad and tough time. And time, as they say, keeps marching on.
I struggle with understanding time and often feel I don't have the time to do all I want; you've heard this from me before. The days are getting longer at last: it is not pitch dark at 7:30 AM nor at 6:30 PM. I connected with some old friends this month and I took a risk by going to an ostomy support group. El Nino has made this a mild month. I finished a portion of a major project at work. I've been to Tai Chi and out for suppper with great people. I have almost completed Story #1 of my family history. I've finished scrapbooks and organized photos. I've spoken with six of my seven siblings at least once each week. A successful and joyful time. And time, as they say, keeps marching on.
Three things about time:
-there will never be enough to do everything I want to do. I choose what I want to do any given day and I am accomplishing more than I give myself credit for: professionally, socially, hobby-wise, family time, offering support, receiving support, playing, laughing, crying, singing, growing, living.
-my focus on time is understandable, I think, after my meet-and-greet with cancer. It can be detrimental to me when each day and each week is focused on time. What can I get done? Who can I see? Why can't I do...? "I'm sorry, I don't have time to see you." This running-out-of-time feeling and attitude does keep me aware of myself and my mortality and that is a good thing. This way I pack in as much as I can, including packing in days full of laying on the couch and watching garbage TV. Balance and attitude. Just like in all other areas.
-time is just a way of trying to measure an elusive and indescribable concept. Think of all the songs and poems and movies and novels and expressions that talk about time or lack of or end of. Time just is, and it goes by.
I will take the time I have and make plans, however large or small they may be. And I will squeeze in whatever I can, to do this thing called life. Perhaps I'll 'make time' to post more on my blog on a regular basis.
I struggle with understanding time and often feel I don't have the time to do all I want; you've heard this from me before. The days are getting longer at last: it is not pitch dark at 7:30 AM nor at 6:30 PM. I connected with some old friends this month and I took a risk by going to an ostomy support group. El Nino has made this a mild month. I finished a portion of a major project at work. I've been to Tai Chi and out for suppper with great people. I have almost completed Story #1 of my family history. I've finished scrapbooks and organized photos. I've spoken with six of my seven siblings at least once each week. A successful and joyful time. And time, as they say, keeps marching on.
Three things about time:
-there will never be enough to do everything I want to do. I choose what I want to do any given day and I am accomplishing more than I give myself credit for: professionally, socially, hobby-wise, family time, offering support, receiving support, playing, laughing, crying, singing, growing, living.
-my focus on time is understandable, I think, after my meet-and-greet with cancer. It can be detrimental to me when each day and each week is focused on time. What can I get done? Who can I see? Why can't I do...? "I'm sorry, I don't have time to see you." This running-out-of-time feeling and attitude does keep me aware of myself and my mortality and that is a good thing. This way I pack in as much as I can, including packing in days full of laying on the couch and watching garbage TV. Balance and attitude. Just like in all other areas.
-time is just a way of trying to measure an elusive and indescribable concept. Think of all the songs and poems and movies and novels and expressions that talk about time or lack of or end of. Time just is, and it goes by.
I will take the time I have and make plans, however large or small they may be. And I will squeeze in whatever I can, to do this thing called life. Perhaps I'll 'make time' to post more on my blog on a regular basis.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Friends
A childhood friend of Brother 3's died suddenly on Saturday. It is such a shock and I have pain in my heart for my brother's grief. I am so sad for him, for his friend, for his friend's family and other friends. He was a guy who laughed often and laughed loud, and fit the cliche of larger than life. Many people will be sharing stories of his antics. A small town boy from a large and poor family who did well for himself. That is a trite and cliche expression, but a truth. He wasn't a saint, but he was himself at all times and he enjoyed life.
Not many people seem to have childhood friends anymore. The changes in our society have created such a state of impermanence and people are so inclined to just keep moving on and moving on, both physically and metaphorically. While we might reconnect with people through facebook and other social networking sites, so many people let people out of their lives.
My three thoughts this morning about friends:
-old friends know you in a way new friends can't. Shared experiences and time past make old friends more like family. And with good friends, your family knows them too, and they become an extended family to your family.
-new friends offer new experiences and opportunity to let more light and love into your life. Getting to know a new friend allows you to keep growing and testing yourself. There is always room in your life and your heart for more people and more love.
-sometimes friends have to move on. Sometimes you have to move on. Hold your friends, both old and new, in high regard and in your heart.
Cherish the people in your life. Enjoy your time with them. Make friends your family and make your family your friends. Miss them and grieve for them when they are gone, but never forget them. Love them openly and always.
Not many people seem to have childhood friends anymore. The changes in our society have created such a state of impermanence and people are so inclined to just keep moving on and moving on, both physically and metaphorically. While we might reconnect with people through facebook and other social networking sites, so many people let people out of their lives.
My three thoughts this morning about friends:
-old friends know you in a way new friends can't. Shared experiences and time past make old friends more like family. And with good friends, your family knows them too, and they become an extended family to your family.
-new friends offer new experiences and opportunity to let more light and love into your life. Getting to know a new friend allows you to keep growing and testing yourself. There is always room in your life and your heart for more people and more love.
-sometimes friends have to move on. Sometimes you have to move on. Hold your friends, both old and new, in high regard and in your heart.
Cherish the people in your life. Enjoy your time with them. Make friends your family and make your family your friends. Miss them and grieve for them when they are gone, but never forget them. Love them openly and always.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Good and Bad
I've been reading about the philosphy of Tao. There are a ton of books and a zillion interpretations; kind of like the bible, I guess. The book I'm reading right now is Wayne Dyer's take on this. His interpretation of the second verse has to do with opposites and how nothing can have an opposite without having a label to compare. No short without having a tall, for example.
I am very good at labeling things as 'good' or 'bad'. Ah, there it is already - "I am very good at..." Most of my emotional life has been based on labeling said emotions as good or bad. I judge myself in all areas as good or bad, without ever really saying I'm bad. It might be phrased as "I'm not very good at...", with the self-interpretation then being "I'm bad at...". "I had a good time." "This wasn't a very good week at work." "The weather wasn't very good yesterday." And the quantifying 'very'; so now it's not enough for things to be good, but they suddenly have to be 'very good'.
I don't know where I'm going with this and I don't have three things to say about good or bad. I just think this is very interesting and it's opened my mind a bit this morning about how I think, and how I judge myself and the world in both small and large ways. As humans we need descriptors, but using the desciptors immediately assigns value of some sort. How can I get to the point that things just 'are'? Do I need to? Well, yes and no. Acceptance is somehow important, but acceptance without desire would lead to apathy wouldn't it?
I am very good at labeling things as 'good' or 'bad'. Ah, there it is already - "I am very good at..." Most of my emotional life has been based on labeling said emotions as good or bad. I judge myself in all areas as good or bad, without ever really saying I'm bad. It might be phrased as "I'm not very good at...", with the self-interpretation then being "I'm bad at...". "I had a good time." "This wasn't a very good week at work." "The weather wasn't very good yesterday." And the quantifying 'very'; so now it's not enough for things to be good, but they suddenly have to be 'very good'.
I don't know where I'm going with this and I don't have three things to say about good or bad. I just think this is very interesting and it's opened my mind a bit this morning about how I think, and how I judge myself and the world in both small and large ways. As humans we need descriptors, but using the desciptors immediately assigns value of some sort. How can I get to the point that things just 'are'? Do I need to? Well, yes and no. Acceptance is somehow important, but acceptance without desire would lead to apathy wouldn't it?
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Resolutions
I have made and broke resolutions many, many times and have not made any for the past ten years or so. I resolve to do things, make changes, improve everything, all through out the year. I find that spring and early fall going-back-to-school-time are more new beginnings for me than the calendar new year. January where I live is usually dark and cold, and each year I tolerate winter with less joy and spirit. There seems to be nothing new about it for me.
This year, I am not making resolutions but I hope to continue:
-staying in contact with family - both immediate and extended.
-finding friends and people around me who like to laugh and can find the silly things in life.
-to stay on the path of good health, and working at taking care of myself.
My non-resolutions.
This year, I am not making resolutions but I hope to continue:
-staying in contact with family - both immediate and extended.
-finding friends and people around me who like to laugh and can find the silly things in life.
-to stay on the path of good health, and working at taking care of myself.
My non-resolutions.
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