Time, once again

It has been an emotional month - deaths of friends of Brothers 1 and 3, childhood friends of both and men who had some impact in some way on my life; and a tragic accident claimed the life of a work mate. The Kid has had more than one serving of 'life issues' loaded onto her already full plate. A colleague has broken her ankle and requires surgery, three weeks after the break. Sister 2 has some on-going pain after her foot surgery three months ago. I've had some disappointments in my professional life. Medical tests and appointments occupied my mind. A sad and tough time. And time, as they say, keeps marching on.

I struggle with understanding time and often feel I don't have the time to do all I want; you've heard this from me before. The days are getting longer at last: it is not pitch dark at 7:30 AM nor at 6:30 PM. I connected with some old friends this month and I took a risk by going to an ostomy support group. El Nino has made this a mild month. I finished a portion of a major project at work. I've been to Tai Chi and out for suppper with great people. I have almost completed Story #1 of my family history. I've finished scrapbooks and organized photos. I've spoken with six of my seven siblings at least once each week. A successful and joyful time. And time, as they say, keeps marching on.

Three things about time:

-there will never be enough to do everything I want to do. I choose what I want to do any given day and I am accomplishing more than I give myself credit for: professionally, socially, hobby-wise, family time, offering support, receiving support, playing, laughing, crying, singing, growing, living.

-my focus on time is understandable, I think, after my meet-and-greet with cancer. It can be detrimental to me when each day and each week is focused on time. What can I get done? Who can I see? Why can't I do...? "I'm sorry, I don't have time to see you." This running-out-of-time feeling and attitude does keep me aware of myself and my mortality and that is a good thing. This way I pack in as much as I can, including packing in days full of laying on the couch and watching garbage TV. Balance and attitude. Just like in all other areas.

-time is just a way of trying to measure an elusive and indescribable concept. Think of all the songs and poems and movies and novels and expressions that talk about time or lack of or end of. Time just is, and it goes by.

I will take the time I have and make plans, however large or small they may be. And I will squeeze in whatever I can, to do this thing called life. Perhaps I'll 'make time' to post more on my blog on a regular basis.