Late last week, I became the proud owner (??) of about ten thousand lapel buttons. They were part of a number of collections of an elderly lady who passed away last year. I have no idea what I'm going to do with them, and I certainly don't want them all. I've looked at about one-quarter of them and there are a few gems in there, but this is not something I want to try to find space for in my less than one thousand square foot condo.
I've been thinking about collections, hobbies, past-times, and especially collecting as a hobby over the past few days. Some people have turned their hobbies into lucrative businesses; others have turned their collections into their fifteen minutes of fame - like the lady on Letterman a few years ago that collected oddly shaped potato chips. It made me laugh at the time, but I did wonder if it was a staged performance. I wondered about taking someone's eccentricity or mental illness and splashing it all over national TV. There are occasional newpaper articles about someone's huge collection of something. Most often, these are just normal people who let something get out of hand. One thing about collecting something, anything, is that it gives others an instant idea for a gift. "Hazel collects Care Bears? Well, I know what I can give her for Christmas". Often collectors don't do the collecting themselves, but get pieces from well-meaning friends and family members.
I have fallen into the collection pit a few times. I enjoyed it for awhile and then I either lost interest or the collection became a chore.
Three things I've collected in my life:
-pens. In my early and mid-teen years, I collected company pens. I do have a very active stationery gene, and growing up in a poverty-stricken environment, the pens seemed a wonder to me. I could get FREE pens. Sometimes I used them, but they mostly just lived in a shoebox, and every so often, I would take them out and look at them, sort them, and see if they all still worked. I don't remember when I quit 'actively' collecting, but I remember throwing them away.
-elephants. All sorts of elephants - stuffed, brass, glass, pottery, wooden, small, large, trunk up, trunk down, Asian, Indian. I had received a stuffed blue elephant as a birthday present, and decided to collect them. I collected and displayed my elephants for about ten years. I don't think I ever counted them, but I had LOTS, and they were taking over my house. Eventually, I had too many. They didn't look good anymore, because they were everywhere. I got very tired of dusting them and taking care of them. Gradually, I started getting rid of some of the ones that had no meaning for me, and eventually was able to part with all of them, except three very little miniature ones that my sister bought for me in Hawaii.
-teapots. I still have about 30, but the collection did top 80 a few years ago. The ones I've kept have some meaning for me or are unusually shaped. Looking at them now, I could pare it down to about 15 that I would really want to keep. The work to clean them and donate them stops me from 'cutting down'. They live on the top of my kitchen cabinets, so aren't in my face every day, like the darn elephants were. My teapot collection started with two very special ones: one from my Mom, who got it when her sister Clara passed away. It was a wedding present Auntie Clara had gotten in 1923 (maybe from my Mom; I don't know). The second is a dark green china teapot, of the type used in many small restaurants. I was given this one by my Auntie Florence, from a hotel she and Uncle Art operated for a few years.
The teapot collection, coupled with my mother's death, started another collection. Old stuff. Things from my Mom's kitchen, and then the occasional garage sale find of something that reminded me of my Mom or my childhood. This collection right now is boxed away. I would like to have these old dishes and tools and implements out on display as part of my decor, but I have no room. Why? Because my hobbies of scrapbooking and family history have turned into collections of papers, tools, cutters, history books, and binders - I have no room left on my shelves.
I laugh at the button collection and at other huge collections and I wonder about my own desire to collect. Perhaps a part of human nature that can get out of control. And sometimes I regret having pitched the pens, the elephants, some of the teapots, Games magazines, and other various items I've saved and purged over the years. Mostly, though, I think I finished a stage in my life and had to move on. And it will happen again.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Diversity
I started this week on vacation, in a gorgeous mountain area, hundreds of miles from my home and am ending this week in my own house, with the same old views out my windows. And in between these two days was a week filled with diversity. Time spent with many family members, a visit to Heritage Park, a movie, good (and bad) restaurant meals, back to the work routine and home-chores routines like grocery shopping and laundry and housework, contacts with people at work that were sometimes trying and sometimes satisfying, contacts with friends and aquaintances in a number of ways, an emergency visit to the hearing aid clinic to try to solve a 'howling aid' problem, time with The Kid, being asked for advice from some people, asking others for advice, time with others, time alone. Each week is almost as diverse, and I often forget how much I do or how many I people I talk to or how much time there really is in any given week. I'm lucky to have this.
Three things I learned in this week of diversity:
-vacations are fantastic, no matter what I do or what the circumstances. Vacations, for me, exist to get a break from my real life and the time off and away always helps me to refocus on my day to day life. Often I dread the end of a holiday and having to go back to reality. Coming home this time re-emphasized to me that I can create a vacation attitude every day. I don't do that as often as I could, and my moods and attitudes suffer for it. It re-taught me that I need to plan something to look forward to: large vacations, small moments with family, time out for fun, and this week, even cleaning house and getting my physical space back in order. Re-organizing my living space is one more small way that I am reclaiming my life.
-the people in my life are there for a reason. There are people I have chosen to have in my life and there are others that have to be there, through the choices of others. One example of this is some colleagues at work who are particulary difficult for me to deal with. My lesson this week is that they are not just going to go away, and I have to interact with them. I can keep my sanity and lower my stress level by remembering I can't change the situation or the person. I can only work on my reactions and emotions during my contacts with these people. It sounds so easy, but is so hard to do in reality. The lesson is to look at myself and analyze my own reactions, and to take pride in myself when I can walk away without being frustrated, angry, or giving up. There will be some successes and some failures for me in working this way. And they're just people.
-I am lucky to live in an age where technology and medical advances make my life easier. And have allowed me to HAVE life. I thought I'd go stark raving mad when I had problems with my hearing aid this week - continual howling if it was in and a very marked decrease in hearing if it was out. My visit to the hearing aid clinic did not solve my problem, but did make it somewhat better. I have some areas of strangeness with my body - calcified ear bones than create hearing loss, high protein producing eyes, blood that is too 'thick' and clots for no known reason, a recent meet-and-greet with cancer that has left me with an ostomy and a bag for elimination, areas in my breasts that are being monitored due to calcification. I had a little fat cyst removed from my shoulder a number of years ago, and no one knows why it grew. Very strange things, these bodies of ours, but also they are the most amazing and fascinating things on Earth. I can hear better, keep my blood from clotting, monitor the calcification, and eat, breathe, and LIVE thanks to being born in this age, where these medical advances are available, and often taken for granted.
I hope to have just as diverse a week coming up and pray I can find the good stuff.
Three things I learned in this week of diversity:
-vacations are fantastic, no matter what I do or what the circumstances. Vacations, for me, exist to get a break from my real life and the time off and away always helps me to refocus on my day to day life. Often I dread the end of a holiday and having to go back to reality. Coming home this time re-emphasized to me that I can create a vacation attitude every day. I don't do that as often as I could, and my moods and attitudes suffer for it. It re-taught me that I need to plan something to look forward to: large vacations, small moments with family, time out for fun, and this week, even cleaning house and getting my physical space back in order. Re-organizing my living space is one more small way that I am reclaiming my life.
-the people in my life are there for a reason. There are people I have chosen to have in my life and there are others that have to be there, through the choices of others. One example of this is some colleagues at work who are particulary difficult for me to deal with. My lesson this week is that they are not just going to go away, and I have to interact with them. I can keep my sanity and lower my stress level by remembering I can't change the situation or the person. I can only work on my reactions and emotions during my contacts with these people. It sounds so easy, but is so hard to do in reality. The lesson is to look at myself and analyze my own reactions, and to take pride in myself when I can walk away without being frustrated, angry, or giving up. There will be some successes and some failures for me in working this way. And they're just people.
-I am lucky to live in an age where technology and medical advances make my life easier. And have allowed me to HAVE life. I thought I'd go stark raving mad when I had problems with my hearing aid this week - continual howling if it was in and a very marked decrease in hearing if it was out. My visit to the hearing aid clinic did not solve my problem, but did make it somewhat better. I have some areas of strangeness with my body - calcified ear bones than create hearing loss, high protein producing eyes, blood that is too 'thick' and clots for no known reason, a recent meet-and-greet with cancer that has left me with an ostomy and a bag for elimination, areas in my breasts that are being monitored due to calcification. I had a little fat cyst removed from my shoulder a number of years ago, and no one knows why it grew. Very strange things, these bodies of ours, but also they are the most amazing and fascinating things on Earth. I can hear better, keep my blood from clotting, monitor the calcification, and eat, breathe, and LIVE thanks to being born in this age, where these medical advances are available, and often taken for granted.
I hope to have just as diverse a week coming up and pray I can find the good stuff.
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Reflections on Sunday Night
I often have a hard time on Sunday nights. There are a few reasons for this, one being that Sunday was always a special and family day when I was growing up, with big meals and time spent together. From the time I was young, I have disliked Sunday (and the weekend) ending and having to face going back to school, and then to work, on Monday. The evening routine of getting clothes and lunch ready, along with plotting out the next work week in my mind, creates anxiety, and a desire to have the family Sunday closeness of my childhood. Watching Walt Disney, Ed Sulllivan, and Bonanza seems an easier and calmer way to spend Sunday evening.
Three good things about this particular Sunday evening:
-the setting sun from my west-facing balcony is a huge orange fireball in the sky. The amazing sunsets from my west-facing balcony make up for the very hot temperatures inside.
-I had a weekend with time spent with an out-of-town brother, with good friends, with my daughter, and with one of my other brothers and his wife. I had a long visit with my sister on the phone, and emails from other friends and family. Good company and good laughs.
-I've made a decision to reclaim myself. I've had some days this summer of sadness and depression; to reclaim myself has given me some hope and inner peace. The reclamation will take a few forms. One simple one will be to take the steps to change back to my maiden name. I have carried this married surname for more years than I had my maiden name, but the married name is just a name I used. It does not define who I am and has little meaning for me. My maiden name gets me back to who I was. I don't understand the concept of taking someone else's name anymore. It is symbolic to me of giving up part of yourself.
This Sunday night is better than many, many that came before today.
Three good things about this particular Sunday evening:
-the setting sun from my west-facing balcony is a huge orange fireball in the sky. The amazing sunsets from my west-facing balcony make up for the very hot temperatures inside.
-I had a weekend with time spent with an out-of-town brother, with good friends, with my daughter, and with one of my other brothers and his wife. I had a long visit with my sister on the phone, and emails from other friends and family. Good company and good laughs.
-I've made a decision to reclaim myself. I've had some days this summer of sadness and depression; to reclaim myself has given me some hope and inner peace. The reclamation will take a few forms. One simple one will be to take the steps to change back to my maiden name. I have carried this married surname for more years than I had my maiden name, but the married name is just a name I used. It does not define who I am and has little meaning for me. My maiden name gets me back to who I was. I don't understand the concept of taking someone else's name anymore. It is symbolic to me of giving up part of yourself.
This Sunday night is better than many, many that came before today.
Saturday, August 29, 2009
View from the Balcony
Three things that fed my soul, in the past 24 hours, from my west-facing balcony:
-three little tiny dogs playing together in the soccer field. This is not an off-leash area, and there are "NO DOGS ALLOWED" signs posted. I see people bringing their dogs there every day and it usually annoys me. Yesterday, though, seeing the little ones romp and run and trip was heart-warming. Any type of babies are so cute and amazing.
- a half moon, shining bright orange. I think it was brighter than I've ever seen, for an orangey moon. A harvest moon, perhaps?
-early this morning, a deer ran across the field, and then just sauntered along the edge of the bushes, nibbling on leaves along his way.
-three little tiny dogs playing together in the soccer field. This is not an off-leash area, and there are "NO DOGS ALLOWED" signs posted. I see people bringing their dogs there every day and it usually annoys me. Yesterday, though, seeing the little ones romp and run and trip was heart-warming. Any type of babies are so cute and amazing.
- a half moon, shining bright orange. I think it was brighter than I've ever seen, for an orangey moon. A harvest moon, perhaps?
-early this morning, a deer ran across the field, and then just sauntered along the edge of the bushes, nibbling on leaves along his way.
Sunday, August 23, 2009
Well, there are a lot of things one could say about Facebook, and there are days I wonder why I use it. The whole social networking thing has created articles, books, and strong opinions. It seems whenever I've decided to discontinue my facebook account, someone posts something that cracks me up.
When I started facebooking, I played some games and accepted friend invitations from almost anyone I know who sent the request. Now I've deleted some friends and am more choosy about who and why I allow people into my facebook life. I don't use other applications too often and don't join every facebook cause or page that comes my way.
I try to avoid the emotional, dramatic rants that some people post. "OMG! I love my man so much. He is the best and I can imagine life without him" or "Everyone who makes me mad should be boiled in oil and fried til they die" or "Why doesn't anyone love me for who I am?". Although I've slipped occasionally into the emotional life splashed all over the internet, I try to keep it light, and most people I am facebook friends with do the same, or at least just a brief status update on what is going on that day.
Three things I like about facebook:
-Running jokes and gags with my family. We are a very funny bunch and sometimes the humour doesn't quite translate to the abbreviated written word, but 'they get it'.
-Contact with friends who had moved out of my life. People move on and move away. Facebook has brought a couple old friends back from years ago and I keep in touch with newer frineds that have recently moved long distances away. One friend who moved to Australia is keeping all of us back here up to date with her daily 'stuff' and I love seeing her pictures and stories of her new life. Former work colleagues keep in touch with how their new lives are.
-Contact with a whole bunch of family and cousins who I otherwise wouldn't see or talk to for years. Again, the time and distance thing. This has been amazing for me, with my bent for family history and family ties.
I have fun with it.
When I started facebooking, I played some games and accepted friend invitations from almost anyone I know who sent the request. Now I've deleted some friends and am more choosy about who and why I allow people into my facebook life. I don't use other applications too often and don't join every facebook cause or page that comes my way.
I try to avoid the emotional, dramatic rants that some people post. "OMG! I love my man so much. He is the best and I can imagine life without him" or "Everyone who makes me mad should be boiled in oil and fried til they die" or "Why doesn't anyone love me for who I am?". Although I've slipped occasionally into the emotional life splashed all over the internet, I try to keep it light, and most people I am facebook friends with do the same, or at least just a brief status update on what is going on that day.
Three things I like about facebook:
-Running jokes and gags with my family. We are a very funny bunch and sometimes the humour doesn't quite translate to the abbreviated written word, but 'they get it'.
-Contact with friends who had moved out of my life. People move on and move away. Facebook has brought a couple old friends back from years ago and I keep in touch with newer frineds that have recently moved long distances away. One friend who moved to Australia is keeping all of us back here up to date with her daily 'stuff' and I love seeing her pictures and stories of her new life. Former work colleagues keep in touch with how their new lives are.
-Contact with a whole bunch of family and cousins who I otherwise wouldn't see or talk to for years. Again, the time and distance thing. This has been amazing for me, with my bent for family history and family ties.
I have fun with it.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Three Dreams for Fun
Time keeps on slippin', slippin' sliipin' into the future...
Summer is almost gone and it's seems very short this year. That is mostly Mother nature's fault, with a cold wet spring, and too few warm sunny days. I made the summer shorter for myself this year by not getting out and doing 'summer stuff'. I needed a break and some down time from overly busy days but I let the break carry on a bit too long. I did some reflecting and regrouping but also let myself slide into an almost-depressed state. So now I think I'm back and I know I have work to do to create my life and rekindle my passions.
Three things I'd like to do:
- join (start?) an Improv Theatre group.
-become a clown.
-have a regular Games night.
Summer is almost gone and it's seems very short this year. That is mostly Mother nature's fault, with a cold wet spring, and too few warm sunny days. I made the summer shorter for myself this year by not getting out and doing 'summer stuff'. I needed a break and some down time from overly busy days but I let the break carry on a bit too long. I did some reflecting and regrouping but also let myself slide into an almost-depressed state. So now I think I'm back and I know I have work to do to create my life and rekindle my passions.
Three things I'd like to do:
- join (start?) an Improv Theatre group.
-become a clown.
-have a regular Games night.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Three Gifts
Three things my fight with cancer has given me:
-my family. I have a large and close family and my time spent with cancer opened up new family closeness and opportunities for me. I always had my family and knew I could count on them, but my experience with this bastard disease, has brought them all so much closer to me in my heart, my thoughts, and there has been more time spent together. It seems that the family members are making more time together, as well. The extended family of many cousins on both sides of the family has spread so far and so wide, but I now know more of them in a closer way, and I work harder at keeping in touch with them.
-my friends. This journey down the illness road changed my friendships. It sounds trite and cliche, but it truly did open my eyes to 'who my friends really are'. There are people who I expected to be right beside me who, for their own reasons, had to run the other way. I'm okay with that and I don't think I have judged them for that. Each person has to make their own decisions in any given situation. However, the relationships with those people have changed. There were other people who I didn't expect any support from who were with me every step of the way, and my realtionships with them have also changed. There is a different closeness and level of trust and it gives me peace.
-my attitudes. I still struggle with poor and destructive coping mechanisms and reactions to people and situations, but I catch the negativity and ill-fated consequences much sooner now. I'm far more likely to let things go and to laugh and to sing and to find some small good thing about most situations. I have not quite created the lifestyle I want, but am taking steps to get there. I don't know why my life was spared or what I am meant to do, but little glimmers of that happen each day. I don't think I've been put on this earth or my life spared for some noble purpose, but I do know I have talents and gifts of myself to share with others. Keying into that and working toward the little good I can add to someone else's life, even for a moment, is the most satisfying feeling. To truly give of myself with no expectations of favors returned or undying gratitude is what this whole thing called life is about, for me.
-my family. I have a large and close family and my time spent with cancer opened up new family closeness and opportunities for me. I always had my family and knew I could count on them, but my experience with this bastard disease, has brought them all so much closer to me in my heart, my thoughts, and there has been more time spent together. It seems that the family members are making more time together, as well. The extended family of many cousins on both sides of the family has spread so far and so wide, but I now know more of them in a closer way, and I work harder at keeping in touch with them.
-my friends. This journey down the illness road changed my friendships. It sounds trite and cliche, but it truly did open my eyes to 'who my friends really are'. There are people who I expected to be right beside me who, for their own reasons, had to run the other way. I'm okay with that and I don't think I have judged them for that. Each person has to make their own decisions in any given situation. However, the relationships with those people have changed. There were other people who I didn't expect any support from who were with me every step of the way, and my realtionships with them have also changed. There is a different closeness and level of trust and it gives me peace.
-my attitudes. I still struggle with poor and destructive coping mechanisms and reactions to people and situations, but I catch the negativity and ill-fated consequences much sooner now. I'm far more likely to let things go and to laugh and to sing and to find some small good thing about most situations. I have not quite created the lifestyle I want, but am taking steps to get there. I don't know why my life was spared or what I am meant to do, but little glimmers of that happen each day. I don't think I've been put on this earth or my life spared for some noble purpose, but I do know I have talents and gifts of myself to share with others. Keying into that and working toward the little good I can add to someone else's life, even for a moment, is the most satisfying feeling. To truly give of myself with no expectations of favors returned or undying gratitude is what this whole thing called life is about, for me.
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