I often have a hard time on Sunday nights. There are a few reasons for this, one being that Sunday was always a special and family day when I was growing up, with big meals and time spent together. From the time I was young, I have disliked Sunday (and the weekend) ending and having to face going back to school, and then to work, on Monday. The evening routine of getting clothes and lunch ready, along with plotting out the next work week in my mind, creates anxiety, and a desire to have the family Sunday closeness of my childhood. Watching Walt Disney, Ed Sulllivan, and Bonanza seems an easier and calmer way to spend Sunday evening.
Three good things about this particular Sunday evening:
-the setting sun from my west-facing balcony is a huge orange fireball in the sky. The amazing sunsets from my west-facing balcony make up for the very hot temperatures inside.
-I had a weekend with time spent with an out-of-town brother, with good friends, with my daughter, and with one of my other brothers and his wife. I had a long visit with my sister on the phone, and emails from other friends and family. Good company and good laughs.
-I've made a decision to reclaim myself. I've had some days this summer of sadness and depression; to reclaim myself has given me some hope and inner peace. The reclamation will take a few forms. One simple one will be to take the steps to change back to my maiden name. I have carried this married surname for more years than I had my maiden name, but the married name is just a name I used. It does not define who I am and has little meaning for me. My maiden name gets me back to who I was. I don't understand the concept of taking someone else's name anymore. It is symbolic to me of giving up part of yourself.
This Sunday night is better than many, many that came before today.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Kelly, I felt the exact same way about Sunday evenings as a child. I would cry in my Mom's lap, and she'd ask why. "Because the weekend is over." I still love weekends, but the are busier and more hectic, so sometimes, Sunday evening is a relief.
ReplyDeleteI admire you for making positive changes in your life. Maybe part of your reclamation will involve making the weekdays almost as fun as the weekends!