As every day stretches into the next, and as I return to the 'every day routine' of getting back to work, I have to work a little harder to find those things that feed my soul. They are there, everyday, but I get distracted by the 'shoulds', the 'I need tos', the 'maintenances of life'. It is far easier for me to remember to appreciate the soul-feeding moments in a day when I'm relaxed and not busy. The busy and stressful times are when I most need the soul-feeding. Sometimes I don't see them or appreciate them until I'm looking back. That's okay, I guess. At least I find them in retrospect, but to get to a place where I can recognize them in the rough times is where the most benefit is. Finding a soul-feeding moment, even a milli-second, in the midst of chaos (whether the chaos is external or in my mind) can change the entire situation.
Three things that fed my soul recently:
-time laughing with family, and poking gentle fun at myself.
-doing a Tai Chi set, and letting my mind focus on the moves, and not worrying about whether I was doing it correctly or whether people were watching and judging my ability.
-feeling the warmth from the sun, for the brief period it was shining yesterday.
I didn't notice, at the time, that these were feeding my soul, and taking me to a calmer, more relaxed place. I hope I can more easily key into these times while they are happening, but even with reflecting and recognizing them in retrospect, it makes my life fuller and happier, and brings more peace inside. May you feed your soul today.
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Steps to Make Changes
I've been feeling rather unsettled the last few days. I have recuperated from my surgery and am spending time on some things I love to do. With the thought of returning to work next week constantly at the back of my mind, it has been much harder to stay in the present moment to fuly enjoy what I'm doing. Once again, I face the struggle of spending most of my waking hours at my job. I wonder how I get to where I need to be?
Three things to help me reconcile myself to where I am at and the steps to take to the next part of my life:
-I took a Reiki workshop a couple weeks ago. I'm not thinking of this as a money-making venture for me. My intent was to learn something new and to open my mind to other possibilities. The intent was met and I am now doing Reiki on myself, with good results. The old demon, impatience, keeps rearing up. I know I need to change my work situation, but today, this week, I'm not sure how or when. The financial part of this work keeps me tied there, and I do enjoy where my financial health is at. I'm not sure how to move away from that. While it is tempting to take a leap, leave the job, place my trust in the unknown, and move onto what I truly want, the mortgage still needs to be paid and my body still needs to be fed. Step One: make a plan.
-With the above financial aspects playing such a large part of my feelings, I often feels trapped and boxed in, with no options. Logically, I know this is not true. There are always options and keeping my eyes open to see those options and look for new opportunites is Step Two.
-Time and I have a love/hate relationship. Regular readers may have picked up on that. Step Three is to put some time limits on my current situation. My downfall with this in the past has been to say, "I'll give this six months". After the six months I face this again and then again go through the same emotions. I find the good stuff in my work and continue on with another "I'll give this six months". There IS much that is good abouut my work and I do enjoy most aspects of it. I don't have a passion for it, though. If I rationalize and justify staying at my job after my next self-imposed time line, for my own sanity I need to work at true acceptance of that, and continue with the Step One plan.
More than many people, I know life can change in a few moments. It is so very important to me to enjoy and love what I choose to do, whatever that is on any given day, and to continue to build strong and loving relationships. This is where I need to be. I will get there as fully as I can, as soon as I can.
Thanks for reading and making your way through the many time-worn and cliched phrases I've chosen today.
Three things to help me reconcile myself to where I am at and the steps to take to the next part of my life:
-I took a Reiki workshop a couple weeks ago. I'm not thinking of this as a money-making venture for me. My intent was to learn something new and to open my mind to other possibilities. The intent was met and I am now doing Reiki on myself, with good results. The old demon, impatience, keeps rearing up. I know I need to change my work situation, but today, this week, I'm not sure how or when. The financial part of this work keeps me tied there, and I do enjoy where my financial health is at. I'm not sure how to move away from that. While it is tempting to take a leap, leave the job, place my trust in the unknown, and move onto what I truly want, the mortgage still needs to be paid and my body still needs to be fed. Step One: make a plan.
-With the above financial aspects playing such a large part of my feelings, I often feels trapped and boxed in, with no options. Logically, I know this is not true. There are always options and keeping my eyes open to see those options and look for new opportunites is Step Two.
-Time and I have a love/hate relationship. Regular readers may have picked up on that. Step Three is to put some time limits on my current situation. My downfall with this in the past has been to say, "I'll give this six months". After the six months I face this again and then again go through the same emotions. I find the good stuff in my work and continue on with another "I'll give this six months". There IS much that is good abouut my work and I do enjoy most aspects of it. I don't have a passion for it, though. If I rationalize and justify staying at my job after my next self-imposed time line, for my own sanity I need to work at true acceptance of that, and continue with the Step One plan.
More than many people, I know life can change in a few moments. It is so very important to me to enjoy and love what I choose to do, whatever that is on any given day, and to continue to build strong and loving relationships. This is where I need to be. I will get there as fully as I can, as soon as I can.
Thanks for reading and making your way through the many time-worn and cliched phrases I've chosen today.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Family Treasures
I had the wonderful opportunity this summer to attend family reunions on both my maternal and paternal sides of the family. What wonderful times these were! I've become the family historian, I guess, through my interest in genealogy. I am fortunate in that I became the custodian of some new photographs and objects, given to me in trust at these reunions.
Three things about family treasures:
-A cousin has named me as the safe-keeper of a picture of my grandparents, circa 1918. And not only the picture, but the negative! In looking at this and some other old photos, I am amazed at the quality and clarity of these pictures. Some are taken in the late 1800's and early 1900's. I wonder how precious photographs will be for The Kid and other generations that follow, with the explosion of pictures taken digitally. Photographs are now common place and not a precious and expensive commodity. I also wonder if the medium of digital will last over hundreds of years, as old photos do now. I also saw and coveted a photo of four generations - my great-grandmother, my grandmother, my aunt, and her little infant daughter. I don't know who owns this picture, but hope to find out, and to visit that person in hopes of scanning this treasure.
-Brother One has named me the safe-keeper of an old copy of "Treasure Island" with my father's hand-written name, followed by my next-in-age uncle who wrote his name many, many times in this book. It is obvious that this was first my Dad's book and then passed along to his brother. I didn't know this book existed. In a large family, it is hard to know who may have what, who kept what, what was important or triggered some special feelings for an individual. There are objects and photographs scattered throughout this large immediate and extended family of mine and I hope to spend my retirement visiting many of them, collecting stories and photos. It is all of our information now and needs to be shared with the many descendants. I wish my retirement could come sooner.
-The greatest family treasures are the people. Spending time with my immediate and extended family creates the memories, which are next on the ladder or hierarchy of family treasures. The feelings people have for objects turns the objects into a third tier of treasures. Every family has a story of some insignificant object being important to someone, because of the connection back to memories and the connection back to a person loved.
As the unofficial historian, I have a responsibility to guard and keep safe the photographs, documents, objects, and stories entrusted to me. I often think of having a safety deposit box to ensure these treasures are safe, but have yet to do so. I want to scan the photos and documents first, but there is still a risk of having them here in my house. We have instances on both sides of the family of items lost due to theft or fire or improper storage. I must look into a safety deposit box soon - I've promised so many of my treasured people that I will take care of 'the stuff'.
Take care of your people and your memories and whatever objects you treasure. The connections to others is all we have that is important.
Three things about family treasures:
-A cousin has named me as the safe-keeper of a picture of my grandparents, circa 1918. And not only the picture, but the negative! In looking at this and some other old photos, I am amazed at the quality and clarity of these pictures. Some are taken in the late 1800's and early 1900's. I wonder how precious photographs will be for The Kid and other generations that follow, with the explosion of pictures taken digitally. Photographs are now common place and not a precious and expensive commodity. I also wonder if the medium of digital will last over hundreds of years, as old photos do now. I also saw and coveted a photo of four generations - my great-grandmother, my grandmother, my aunt, and her little infant daughter. I don't know who owns this picture, but hope to find out, and to visit that person in hopes of scanning this treasure.
-Brother One has named me the safe-keeper of an old copy of "Treasure Island" with my father's hand-written name, followed by my next-in-age uncle who wrote his name many, many times in this book. It is obvious that this was first my Dad's book and then passed along to his brother. I didn't know this book existed. In a large family, it is hard to know who may have what, who kept what, what was important or triggered some special feelings for an individual. There are objects and photographs scattered throughout this large immediate and extended family of mine and I hope to spend my retirement visiting many of them, collecting stories and photos. It is all of our information now and needs to be shared with the many descendants. I wish my retirement could come sooner.
-The greatest family treasures are the people. Spending time with my immediate and extended family creates the memories, which are next on the ladder or hierarchy of family treasures. The feelings people have for objects turns the objects into a third tier of treasures. Every family has a story of some insignificant object being important to someone, because of the connection back to memories and the connection back to a person loved.
As the unofficial historian, I have a responsibility to guard and keep safe the photographs, documents, objects, and stories entrusted to me. I often think of having a safety deposit box to ensure these treasures are safe, but have yet to do so. I want to scan the photos and documents first, but there is still a risk of having them here in my house. We have instances on both sides of the family of items lost due to theft or fire or improper storage. I must look into a safety deposit box soon - I've promised so many of my treasured people that I will take care of 'the stuff'.
Take care of your people and your memories and whatever objects you treasure. The connections to others is all we have that is important.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
A list of things that could have been "Three Things" topics.
I haven't posted regulary for quite some time. It hasn't been for lack of topics: the emotions of walking in the Relay for Life again this year, my first cruise experience, some major milestones reached at work, the joy of good friends, the wonder of a family that supports me always, magical summer days with immediate and extended family, the planning of two reunions and the success of both, unexpected surgery, hospital observations & revelations, watching people I care about fight huge adversity, soul-searching and self-learning, the wonder of Hubbard Glacier, the soul-feeding trip to the mountains, the absolute feeling of mastery & accomplishment in completing one chunk of my family history story and using the afore-mentioned binding machine, frustrations with work, insights, the collective spirit of extended family gathering to walk in a small town parade, annoyance at Shaw and digital tv, getting back to Tai Chi, re-finding myself, hugging one of my bosses. And about a zillion others. It's been an unusual summer so far...
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
I work At
Three weeks ago this morning, I was laying in a hospital bed, waiting for emergency surgery. I had been in ER for about fourteen hours when I realized I had to let someone know what was going on. I hadn't thought about that throughout the night - I was just thinking I'd have the surgery and then let people know. So I called my car pool and called someone from work - those calls took care of obligations. I woke up Sister One to tell her, which is a horrible way to be woken up. I made arrangements for The Kid to be contacted. That call connected me with people who love me, who care for me, and who would carry me on their shoulders - this was the call I really needed to make. My fear was much less.
Two weeks ago this morning, I was waiting in the same hospital bed for a friend to pick me up and bring me home. I was not feeling at all well and wanted to stay in hospital for a few more days. I got home and managed to shower and take care of myself for a few hours until Sister One arrived that afternoon to stay with me for a day or so.
One week ago this morning, I was getting into a car with Sisters One, Two, and Three to drive to a lake a couple hours away for a family picnic. It became a beautiful, peaceful, and healing day. I think it was the first day since the surgery that I felt really quite well (although tired) and closer to normal.
Who knows where I will be and what I will be doing one week from this morning? Life throws you curves and the the rolls of the dice can bring you anything, in a blink of an eye. I know the fear of cancer returning will always be part of my life and it that has helped me to live a fuller life. The fear that something more will happen with my health, out of the blue, is unsettling this time around.
Three things I strive to do, to get as much satisfaction and enjoyment as I can, in the time I'm here:
-I try to find a way to feed my soul every day. I feel old frustrations and anger when I don't.
-I try to remember how lucky I am to be alive. Blood clots, cancer, emergency surgeries - any of them could have killed me. I'm still here and don't know why.
-I try to love and accept my people at all times. Each idiosyncrasy of each person is just a part of who they are and I need them all in my life.
Who knows what the next three weeks will bring? I pray I can love, laugh, enjoy, and embrace all my life has to offer.
Two weeks ago this morning, I was waiting in the same hospital bed for a friend to pick me up and bring me home. I was not feeling at all well and wanted to stay in hospital for a few more days. I got home and managed to shower and take care of myself for a few hours until Sister One arrived that afternoon to stay with me for a day or so.
One week ago this morning, I was getting into a car with Sisters One, Two, and Three to drive to a lake a couple hours away for a family picnic. It became a beautiful, peaceful, and healing day. I think it was the first day since the surgery that I felt really quite well (although tired) and closer to normal.
Who knows where I will be and what I will be doing one week from this morning? Life throws you curves and the the rolls of the dice can bring you anything, in a blink of an eye. I know the fear of cancer returning will always be part of my life and it that has helped me to live a fuller life. The fear that something more will happen with my health, out of the blue, is unsettling this time around.
Three things I strive to do, to get as much satisfaction and enjoyment as I can, in the time I'm here:
-I try to find a way to feed my soul every day. I feel old frustrations and anger when I don't.
-I try to remember how lucky I am to be alive. Blood clots, cancer, emergency surgeries - any of them could have killed me. I'm still here and don't know why.
-I try to love and accept my people at all times. Each idiosyncrasy of each person is just a part of who they are and I need them all in my life.
Who knows what the next three weeks will bring? I pray I can love, laugh, enjoy, and embrace all my life has to offer.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Just three things
-After an enforced hiatus due to unexpected emergency surgery, I'm back. Life it starting to return to normal. I'm struggling with this as I think I should be stronger than I am at this point in my return to health and reality. I drove today for the first time in three weeks. It felt quite weird. I'm also having some strong emotions about this recent roll of the dice that I'm working to sort out.
-My family was here during my recovery and this helped me along. The visits and vacations were planned months ago to coincide with family reunions on both my maternal and paternal side. Very magical days for me and the surgery, family visits, and reunions once again helped me remember people are the most important thing in life.
-My house is too quiet after having people here for eight days. I'm both relishing and hating the quiet today.
See you sooner than last time.
-My family was here during my recovery and this helped me along. The visits and vacations were planned months ago to coincide with family reunions on both my maternal and paternal side. Very magical days for me and the surgery, family visits, and reunions once again helped me remember people are the most important thing in life.
-My house is too quiet after having people here for eight days. I'm both relishing and hating the quiet today.
See you sooner than last time.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Getting Away
I just returned from a terrific holiday with Sisters One and Three and Niece One. I am so relaxed today that even grocery shopping and laundry seem less chore-like and less mundane.
Three things about getting away to somewhere new, seeing things I've never seen before with people I love:
-living in the present is easier
-true meditation for me comes with quiet moment spent in nature's wonder, mesmerized by the awe-inspiring world around me
-nothing feels as good as laughing so hard you can't catch your breath
Three things about getting away to somewhere new, seeing things I've never seen before with people I love:
-living in the present is easier
-true meditation for me comes with quiet moment spent in nature's wonder, mesmerized by the awe-inspiring world around me
-nothing feels as good as laughing so hard you can't catch your breath
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)