Lessons and Acceptance

Yesterday I read a book called "An Invisible Thread" by Laura Schroff and Alex Tresniowski. It is the true story of an unlikely friendship between a street kid and a New York City advertising executive. The story touched me deeply and reinforced my belief that I am meant to learn from everyone I meet. Each encounter and each situation in my life is there for me to learn from, grow from. The trick is to make sense of it all, to sort it out for myself how and why the persons and the situations are there for me. There is also a fine balance between over-analyzing and acceptance. Acceptance is a concept I've come to believe in with all my heart and soul, as well. At first thought, these two concepts are opposing forces in my mind. I believe I need both beliefs and I can reason things out to have them work together.

And what of the people who damage and hurt me and others? How can I learn from them? How can I accept them? What of the extreme natural and man-made disasters that destroy our world and our people? The floods, the hurricanes, the tsunamis, the murderers, the abusers? How do I make sense of that? How do I fit that into my two primary beliefs? Some days I can't, I don't, I won't. The bottom line for me is working the Serenity Prayer and gratitude into balancing the horrors that go on. Oh, it all sounds so simple, words on paper, to make life flow easily, to find balance and to find joy. It is the hardest way to live, I think. I've lived in oblivion, I've lived in anger, I've lived in denial. That way of living caused me great angst and depression but it was easy compared to acceptance and finding meaning in each situation, in each person.This is a struggle and many days I don't do it well or don't do it at all. Often though, days or weeks or months or years later, there is a glimmer of meaning. I am responsible for finding the lessons behind the people and situations that are placed in my life.

Three things that I know about acceptance and lessons:

- Recently I was a silent witness, a by-stander, to a bullying incident. I kept quiet for what I rationalize as my own self-preservation. I don't know if I did the right thing. I don't know if this was "meant to happen". I don't know what will come to be in the life of the bullies or the victim. I do know I'm ashamed of my actions (or lack of actions). I do know that I would very likely react emotionally and not respond if this same situation is placed in front of me again. This one will be with me for a long time. I've accepted the part of me that could not speak up. I don't know the lesson for me yet in this. From my outside perch, I can see that the victim's life has been changed. I throw my own shame to the wind and pray the lesson is there for perpetrators and for the victim, and that somehow lives become better.

- My Mom taught me through her actions that everyone has worth, that everyone has some good, that treating people with respect and dignity is the highest level of service people can offer. I try to practice this. I try to practice this with whole-hearted belief that everyone has some grain of good. Only in looking back can I make sense of those who have hurt me, hurt my people, destroy the lives of others. Only in looking forward can I see the value and love of those who support me, give to my people, add joy to the lives of others. I have walked away from people who are damaging. In walking away, I can tap into my Mom and find the goodness.  I continue to walk toward to people who are loving and joyful. In walking toward,I can tap into my Mom and find the goodness.

- I'll continue to wrestle with these elusive concepts, forever and a day. Some days it will work for me, lift me to a place where all is right with the world. Other days it will cause me grief, anger, and depression.

I look at the people and situations in my life, both past and present. I find lessons from each. I accept what I can from people and events. I struggle. I rejoice. I work at it. I ignore it. My hope is that I learn and teach, touch and be touched. It is my responsibility to make sense of it all for my own self to grow.