Who Will You Touch?

And the winter of my discontent continues. The snow is falling again this week and hasn't stopped today. I've fluctuated with the weather - choosing to be crabby and miserable and feeling stuck on the cold days, the gray days, the snowy days. On the sunny warmer days, I was ready to move forward, take on the world, and participate in life. This week wasn't good, weather-wise or Kelly-wise. This was coupled with mental self-abuse and piling guilt on myself for not feeling better, doing better. This week was a struggle to participate in my own life.

 In moving about in my day of "What do I have to do today?" thoughts,  I knew one pressing thing was to prepare for a speech I'm giving on Wednesday. My project is "Speaking in Praise". I'd decided a few days ago I'd speak about my Mon in honour of her 100th birthday. It was easier than I thought to jot down an outline and an acceptable opening and conclusion. I fleshed it out with some anecdotes and examples of three of her (many) qualities that live with me. I practiced and timed the speech a couple times. I did it again. I said the words out loud in my empty house, with The Cat eyeing my suspiciously. The words I wrote and spoke started to sink into my mind, my heart, my soul. Those qualities I admire so much in my Mom are some of my best qualities. It reminded me that I only need to open my eyes a little tiny bit and I can see those who inspire me, who I admire, who I most want to emulate. We all need that.

Choose those people. Find one quality in everyone you interact with to admire. Find one or two traits in others that make them who they are, someone special. Look at yourself; you have those same inherent qualities in you. Find them, recognize them, celebrate them, let them out to grow.

Three things I thank my Mom for:

- A sense of humour to get through the gray days and dark times. Mom could laugh and observe the silly at the most trying times in her life. Some of my most uplifting moments this winter involved laughter and appreciation for the silly people in my life.

- Never giving up. As much as I have wanted and almost forced myself to be gray and miserable this winter, I could not give up. "This too shall pass". One of Mom's best pieces of advice. The winter will pass and my indecision and confusion will pass. It always does.

- Acceptance of everyone. This one is really tough, but Mom believed and lived that each person has some good to offer the world. In my crabbiness and judgement of myself and others, I get glimpses of their good, of my good. It's there.

Mom helped me gain perspective again today. The snow keeps falling and my drive to work tomorrow will likely be filled with anxiety about the roads. My winter coat will need to be worn for at least a few more days. I will continue to struggle with what I want, what I need, where I'm going. She, and others who have taught me and continue to teach me, will be with me: smiling, not letting me give up, and accepting me. I will participate in my life and get through the rest of the never-ending winter and emerge a better person from the winter of my discontent.