Rearranging, Reorganizing and Cleaning Out

The Kid is home after two years in South Korea. She has changed and grown. I have changed and grown. That is what is supposed to happen. It's good.  She will be living here with me for awhile; we don't know for how long. We'll know when it is time to end this arrangement. We are at a point where are living together quite comfortably as two adult women. We have spent many weeks rearranging, reorganizing, and cleaning out STUFF. We both have things to store and things to throw out and things to give away. Our home is still somewhat of a disaster zone, enough that neither of us are truly comfortable to have other people see it. We are slowly getting there though, taking time to do it right.

The rearranging, reorganizing, and cleaning out is worming its' way into other parts of my life. I feel a shift within, I see changes at my work and sense they will affect me, I'm again putting more emphasis on feeding my soul, I am standing by some of my people that are suffering and struggling, I'm yearning for something I can't quite name. I'm working with The Kid to rearrange, reorganize, and clean out our physical space. I'm working and reflecting to rearrange, reorganize, and clean out my emotional space. Some other force is working with me to rearrange, reorganize, and clean out my spiritual space. It's very interesting to me that this time of change on so many levels is happening in conjunction.

Three things about cleaning out the stuff:

- It's scary. Items, ideas, beliefs, dreams that I've been hanging onto for so long are being taken out of their closets. I'm turning them over, dusting them off, deciding what is still important, and putting them where they belong. The fear is the underlying worry "What if I keep this and don't need it?" or worse "What is I get rid of this and find out I DO need it?". Each decision requires thought and analysis. Despite the trepidation, I'm taking time to do it right, and put each item, idea, belief in the right pile. For now. I can get rid of more later. I will need to get rid of more later. I've been crabby and disgruntled and those close to me can see the frustration and fear as I slowly move through all parts of this. BUT I can replace what I remove, if I need to.

- It's exciting. I'm finding things, ideas, beliefs, and dreams I forgot I had. Some are easily put into the right pile. Others are taking longer; I'm not quite ready to let go yet. As I sort through the tangibles and intangibles in my life I am eager to see the end result. I enjoy moments of anticipation as I wade through the next closet or open my mind to a new idea or get a jolt that reminds me to feed my soul and be true to my beliefs. Progress is being made, slowly for sure, but I'm sticking with it.

- It's freeing. Moving items, ideas, beliefs, and dreams from one area to another, deciding what stays and what goes, making a little more room here, trying something out in a different spot or different way can be exhausting. After the exhaustion comes exhilaration. The desire to rest for a bit and then keep moving on, knowing I am creating and recreating my life brings me back to my self and to my greater source.

The Kid is home. Life and space are being rearranged, reorganized, and cleaned out. It is a time of adjustment, of patience, of laughter, of sharing, of love.  I don't know yet how my house will look when we think we are done. I don't know yet how my work will look when these changes are in place. I don't know yet where my soul-feeding will take me.  I don't know yet the results of the suffering I see in my people. I don't know yet what will fill this yearning. I know I'm moving forward and with patience and persistence, I will see it unfold. I am home.