Work, Work, Work

A few times each year, I struggle with having to work. These "few times" are coming more frequently and lasting longer. I like my job and the past few months, I've been given some opportunities to do some new work. I love the faith and trust placed in me and I love being able to learn and do new things. I just don't like having to spend so much of my life at work, instead of just living. This feeling has intensified since my meet-and-greet with cancer and I work hard at not letting that 'hate to work' feeling overwhelm me. It's not just my current job/career - I just don't want to work at all. The food, shelter, and clothing thing gets in the way of not working.

Three things (of many) I'd do if I didn't have to work:

- Travel. While there are innumerable places on this Earth to visit and experience, my travelling would center around travel to see relatives. I want to spend more time with them, get to know them better, and talk to them about their lives. I want to record their stories and their memories. This is much more than just family history, this is part of who I am, who they are, how we came to be these amazing people. There are so many stories they have that are worth telling.

- Write. If I wasn't spending eleven hours of each day involved in some aspect of work, I would write more and I would write more often. I have thoughts, ideas, stories, novels, essays, bouncing in my brain almost continuosly. Writing satisfies my need to create, to touch others, to educate, to learn about my self, and  to journey into my soul. Of everything I do, writing is what I love the very most.

- Give. I would volunteer my time. There are so many people and so many agencies that need help. When I volunteer and give of myself, my time, my talents, I am feeding my soul in the most satisfying way possible. Helping and giving are why we are here.

I DO do these three things; it is just not often enough or long enough for me. I am cheating myself because it is physically impossible to do enough of them. There are many, many other things I would do if I didn't work. I would scrapbook more, I would write family history, I would finish the projects I've started and never finished, I would do the projects that are just concepts in my brain, I would spend time with my people, I would find those other places to visit and experience, I would learn to play the piano and the guitar, I would remodel parts of my home. My list is endless. I would never be bored.

It is late Sunday afternoon, and time for me to start the chores that make the next work week easier. Investing time now will buy me a few more precious moments through the work week to squeeze in a bit of what I really want. Tomorrow I will get up, get ready, work hard, enjoy and like most of it, dislike some parts of it, and trudge my way toward another weekend, resenting that I have to work at all. But I will be there, actively participating and finding the great moments that happen. I just wish I didn't have to.